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Mars Needs Llamas: The Post-Game Wrap-Up - Baxil [bakh-HEEL'], n. My Sites [Tomorrowlands] [The TTU Wiki] [Photos]
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April 20th, 2002
07:20 pm
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Mars Needs Llamas: The Post-Game Wrap-Up
Everyone remember my earlier threat to run a one-shot Toon adventure this weekend? :)

So elynne, torquemada, and Danny and Wiebke (two friends from the Rifts campaign on Friday nights) collected at Squeeky Hollow earlier today. I hauled out my Toon rulebooks, Josh brought his, and I managed to have photocopied exactly enough character sheets for everyone. I hauled out my copy of "In the Shadow of Omen" for good luck, as the simple yet complex landscape of Mars was the setting for the first part of the adventure. A little bit of deliberation and die-rolling later, our group of intrepid space cowboys was assembled: Elynne the anthropomorphic lemur and her sidekick Bucky the Trilobite; a Pocket Dragon whose name I forget; Macintosh-3001 the robot; and Stan the tourist sandworm.

After hearing the urgent plea for llamas of a cute, doe-eyed little girl in Saron's Ale, Whore, and Surgery Palace (and Internet Lounge) -- and after hearing that llamas could be found on the rolling plains of Peru from a crusty old prospector with a tendency to launch into boring stories like why all the Martian llamas died off in the great Earthquake of '36 -- our group took off for the Greymutt station, pursued by a barful of greedy farmers. (Saron had offered a $1 million reward to the first person to bring her back a llama, and one of the party members made the mistake of announcing the next offplanet flight's departure time over a megaphone.) Stan went through "Bob's 'You-Break-It, You-Buy-It' Duty-Free Emporium" like a ... sand worm ... through a china shop; the pocketdragon hijacked the ship, and Elynne -- who barely beat Bob's gang of thugs to the ship after Stan fast-talked Bob into believing that she was responsible for the destruction -- got toasted by the in-flight movie. Ultimately, the pocketdragon (and passenger compartment) ejected over Peru, in search of the wild llama.

The evening's first casualty came when Elynne instructed her faithful servant Bucky to pull a llama detector out of his backpack; Bucky's device (naturally) led them to the mountains of Tibet, where Elynne's lama trap backfired. Meanwhile, the other three found Chopin's Llamas (after finally figuring out that, no, the sign did not read "Shopping Mall"). Two of them, after a little creative use of subtitles, convinced F. Chopin (the F stands for "farmer") to sell them his llama Cuzco, and he handed over some llama harnesses in exchange for money. Meanwhile, Mac-3001 snuck in the back and stole a harness of her own -- then had the bright idea to use llama pheromones as an attractant.

Cuzco bowled the robot over; the pocketdragon leapt at the llama from behind and fell to the ground with a hoof-shaped indentation in his chest; and Stan fell on them both, mauling everyone except the llama. Cuzco crawled away and took off for the horizon with his new romantic interest and everyone reassembled.

Elynne and Bucky tried sneaking up on Cuzco with a llama costume; Stan set up a fake "Llama Customs" booth at the spaceport, and Mac-3001 tried to fend Cuzco off romantically while calling for a taxi. The taxi driver made the mistake of trying to put a harness on Cuzco, and the party got their first taste of the wrath of Demon Llama (and his patented "Bucket-d-6"-damage charge attack). Elynne's llama call -- which got translated into Llama as "I want to harness you" -- earned her a trip into orbit, too, and the others chased Cuzco to the spaceport -- where the pocketdragon's botched attempt to drop a harness on Cuzco from above led to another charge, and Cuzco tripping over Stan's tail and sailing into space. A merry chase ensued, as the pocketdragon seized the Greymutt (with Mac-3001 hanging off the side); Elynne leapt into the starfighter Bucky had been carrying around in his backpack, and Stan -- after tipping over Senor Bob's "You-Break-It, You-Buy-It" Peruvian Emporium and blaming the mess on Elynne again -- crammed into one of Bob's thug's space fighters, hot in pursuit of the orbital llama.

Ultimately, Elynne's spacecraft's glitter gun nailed most of the Bob fighters, and encased Stan's ship in a wad of glitter; the pocketdragon slammed on the brakes in an attempt to dislodge Mac-3001, causing Elynne to pancake her ship on the back of the Greymutt; and Mac-3001 made several attempts to lasso Cuzco, which were foiled by Bob, piloting a suspiciously tie-fighter-like ship in black armor and trying to duel with Stan. The pocketdragon lost control of the Greymutt, lots of things exploded, Cuzco slammed into Saron's at terminal velocity along with half of the other things in the air; and the two characters who managed to dodge the carnage stood over the smoldering wreckage and applauded as the curtain fell.

I haven't had so much fun roleplaying in years. Something tells me there will be a sequel.

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