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Chapter 7: In which a crazy idea gets taken a little too far - Baxil [bakh-HEEL'], n. My Sites [Tomorrowlands] [The TTU Wiki] [Photos]
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November 30th, 2006
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Chapter 7: In which a crazy idea gets taken a little too far
To: "CB Fox" <cbf@feralnet.net>
From: "claw n fang" <redwolves@therimail.com>
Date: Thu, 26 Oct 2006, 22:22:23 GMT -0800
Subject: Re: Getting some DWIM answers


Lucky me, I can't sleep. :-( At least this means I was up to receive both your letters. Might as well respond to them right away and see if that gets me any closer to shut-eye.

On Thu, 26 Oct 2006, cbf@feralnet.net wrote:
> As for the search.

Thank you for getting back to me on that so quickly. I'm still not totally convinced this link is legit, but it's a big relief to feel like I understand what was going on.

At least I don't have to worry about fleeing the country now. :-P It's oddly comforting to realize that, if I can coin a phrase, DWIM finds "consensus truth" rather than "actual truth." Actual truth is not kind to people.

Also, I'd have been more comfortable with you leaving Geo out of it -- but no harm done. His explanation was really helpful. Let's try to keep this quiet from here on out, though?

> As for Claw ...

*sigh* I guess you're right, I really don't know that he was involved. It's so hard to keep myself from leaping to conclusions, though. I'm not going to see him again for about two weeks. I've been letting this gnaw at me since his last visit and there's absolutely nothing I can do but sit and worry.

I don't know if we can go on like this, stealing moments together once a month ... and then spending our time together arguing over all the things we had to leave hanging last time.

If I knew it was just a few months, I could shut up and deal with it. But that's what I thought a few months ago. It just keeps getting worse ... Claw can't even leave the ship now or the whole mission grinds to a halt.

I'm so tempted to give in and join him on the Discovery just to end this. But I hate that that's my best solution, and I'm trying hard not to hate him for pushing me into that choice.

... I'm trying not to hate him for choosing the ship over me.

> Maybe it would help to come over on Saturday and we can spend the night?

...

Look, vix, you've always been tone-deaf with your offers. I've gotten used to that. I know that your heart is in the right place. I just wish you'd learned more from the Redeemers.

I'm going to have to say this bluntly, and I hope it doesn't come across in the wrong way. You're offering pity sex, and pity sex is an insult. Have more respect for me than that.

Though I do have to ask ... I thought you'd given up on Teri? Has something changed?

-- Fang



To: "Fang, Claw N" <redwolves@therimail.com>
From: "Technical Support - FeralNet" <cbf@feralnet.net>
Date: Thu, 26 Oct 2006, 22:43:51 GMT -0800
Subject: Re: Getting some DWIM answers


On Thu, 26 Oct 2006, Claw N Fang wrote:
> Lucky me, I can't sleep. :-(

I'd like to say you're not the only one. But the truth is I don't usually get to bed until 1 am ;-p

Wuffie ... I'm sorry. It's not an insult. I promise! Why did you think I meant pity sex? I had no idea I'd come across that way ...

no, nothing's changed. I haven't been Teri for ... seven years now? I still miss her. I spend half my time wishing I could have her back and half my time trying to forget what happened. I still wake up from nightmares sometimes with cold sweats. I can't ever be who I used to be. I thought you of all people would understand that.

How do I convince you this has nothing to do with pity? I feel so awful. You're hurting so badly and you mean so much to me and it tears me up inside. You and Claw too! If I don't do something you both might lose each other ... I can't let that happen! Do you really believe I'd offer to be Teri again for you just because I felt sorry for you??!

I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. Forget I said anything.

## ## ## CB Fox, Systems Analyst and Senior Technical Support ## ## ##
Phone (510) 555-HOWL ext. 144; cbf@feralnet.net; on-call 9am-9pm Mon-Sat
# FeralNet - The nation's first theri-run ISP, serving the S.F. Bay Area
Open to all * Quality service * Dial-up, ISDN, DSL. http://feralnet.net




To: "CB Fox" <cbf@feralnet.net>
From: "claw n fang" <redwolves@therimail.com>
Date: Thu, 26 Oct 2006, 23:00:48 GMT -0800
Subject: Re: Getting some DWIM answers


Whoah, whoah ... I'm sorry, vix. I didn't mean to snap at you. It must be this thing with Claw -- it has me turned around.

I didn't realize how much Teri still hurts you. I feel really guilty saying this, but it's easy to forget. We've all tried so hard to put everything behind us, and some scars heal easier than others. Seeing your human face, it's hard to remember how much pain you went through back then.

Thank you for trying, OK? I mean it. You're offering a lot. I don't want to reject that.

I just ... I can't do it. It would feel wrong. I'd end up hurting you and it wouldn't make me feel any better. I don't need distraction, I need a solution.

Still can't sleep ... and now worried, too :(

-- Fang



To: "Fang, Claw N" <redwolves@therimail.com>
From: "Technical Support - FeralNet" <cbf@feralnet.net>
Date: Fri, 26 Oct 2006, 02:27:13 GMT -0800
Subject: You still awake?


Oh gods ... I was waiting for your letter and then I got paged cause one of our servers melted down. I had to drive to the office for three hours. I didn't mean to leave you hanging :(

It's alright, I promise. I wouldn't have offered to change back if I hadn't meant it.

I won't lie, it scares me. I wouldn't do it for anyone else. You were there, you saw ... you and Claw are the only two people I can trust with Teri, the only ones who never did anything to hurt me.

But you're right. You need a solution ... I still need to do something ...

ok. I'm going to sleep. In the morning I'll go volunteer with Discovery. If I take over for Claw you two can be together again.

## ## ## CB Fox, Systems Analyst and Senior Technical Support ## ## ##
Phone (510) 555-HOWL ext. 144; cbf@feralnet.net; on-call 9am-9pm Mon-Sat
# FeralNet - The nation's first theri-run ISP, serving the S.F. Bay Area
Open to all * Quality service * Dial-up, ISDN, DSL. http://feralnet.net




To: "CB Fox" <cbf@feralnet.net>
From: "claw n fang" <redwolves@therimail.com>
Date: Fri, 26 Oct 2006, 02:32:06 GMT -0800
Subject: Re: You still awake?


What the hell?! Charles, are you nuts!??

You just got hired at DWIM! Don't throw that away!

I'll figure something out, I promise. Don't make me worry about dragging you into this mess too.

-- Fang, off to pop Sominex until he has no choice but to sleep



To: "Fang, Claw N" <redwolves@therimail.com>
From: "Technical Support - FeralNet" <cbf@feralnet.net>
Date: Fri, 26 Oct 2006, 09:12:30 GMT -0800
Subject: Re: You still awake?


... huh?

holy shit, I DID just get an offer letter from them! How did you know?

## ## ## CB Fox, Systems Analyst and Senior Technical Support ## ## ##
Phone (510) 555-HOWL ext. 144; cbf@feralnet.net; on-call 9am-9pm Mon-Sat
# FeralNet - The nation's first theri-run ISP, serving the S.F. Bay Area
Open to all * Quality service * Dial-up, ISDN, DSL. http://feralnet.net




To: "CB Fox" <cbf@feralnet.net>
From: "claw n fang" <redwolves@therimail.com>
Date: Fri, 26 Oct 2006, 14:46:12 GMT -0800
Subject: Re: You still awake?


*struggles back to the land of the living*

Because Geo mentioned it in his blog post, silly :-p Didn't you even read that before forwarding it to me?

Congratulations, by the way! And seriously, I hope you didn't do anything stupid. I'll get the thing with Claw worked out.

-- Fang



To: "Fang, Claw N" <redwolves@therimail.com>
From: "Technical Support - FeralNet" <cbf@feralnet.net>
Date: Fri, 26 Oct 2006, 16:24:59 GMT -0800
Subject: ...


So he did ... gods, I can't even read these days. %-p

Wuffie, maybe you ought to port over here tonight. I think we've got a lot to talk about.

Love you.

- cb

Current Location: ~/computer_desk
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