?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Writing Quicktakes: Legislative complaints - Baxil [bakh-HEEL'], n. My Sites [Tomorrowlands] [The TTU Wiki] [Photos]
View My LJ [By Tag]


October 12th, 2008
05:56 pm
[User Picture]

[Link]

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
Writing Quicktakes: Legislative complaints
A quicktake from the recent Writing Requests thread. More are on the way. Thank you all again for your creative kickstarts. :-)




Dear Citizen,

      Thank you for your submission about politician Rand-231. We value all feedback and are constantly trying to make your civic engagement more meaningful.
      We take all claims of product defects very seriously. Your report has been examined and automated testing has been completed, and we would like to confirm that Rand-231 is working correctly and as designed.
      In order to address your specific concerns, our technical support system has automatically reproduced several items from our list of Frequently Asked Questions. If you feel you have concerns that have not been addressed, please open another support request, reference your prior request number (#27B-6/10984262001) in the submission, and one of our technical support agents will contact you.

      Best Regards,

Eliza Sharopnikel
Diebold-Halliburton-Meshuggener Automated Feedback Response Team
support@robosenate.gov

---

      Thank you for submitting your request to our Frequently Asked Questions Retrieval System. Your original request follows for your reference. FAQ responses are automatically chosen via matching of keywords in your request. For the complete FAQ, visit dev.robosenate.gov and click on "FAQ."

Original Message:
> you damn godless commies. this is the LAST STRAW. i keep telling you
> our senator rand is broken. now it's getting worse. this week he voted for
> polygamy marriage with multiple guys. it's not bad enough the homos can
> marry, now they have to take OUR WOMEN too? i thought he was supposed
> to represent us and pocatello-brigham is the second most conservative
> (AMERICAN) district in the sixty-three UNITED STATES according to
> fox global's two-minute infuriating facts. I would expect this from a copy
> of senator clinton but there's NO WAY a rand should support that kind of
> abomination of a bill! HOW DARE YOU!!!~ next it'll be abortion and then
> maybe he can make it legal for your mom to abort YOU and dump your
> fetus in the SAN FRANCISCO bay. then we can code our own senator
> and finally get some real AMERICAN values in the heartland of our
> country. and bring back flag worship - we need theocratic rule - GOD
> BLESS THE USA you atheist nazis. LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Relevant FAQs:

22. What models of RoboSenator are available?

      In order to begin the transition from polarized gridlock to automated progress, RoboSenator Version 1 shipped in 2032 with support for several classic lawmaking styles then in favor: the Clinton, the Kennedy, the Gingrich and the McCarthy. Two years later, several moderate models were prototyped -- the "Waffler," the "Apathetic," and the "Compromiser" -- as well as beta releases of ideological models released by political party coders: the Rand, the Reagan and the Roosevelt.
      Due to popular demand, several historical models are scheduled for a 2038 release: the Stalin, the Mao, the Khan, and the Richelieu.

25. How does my RoboSenator become more responsive to the needs of its constituents?

      The ability that sets DHM's RoboSenators apart from the competition is the self-modifying nature of their code. Each district's senator is copied as a snapshot from the current development tree of that stock model, and then allowed to change its voting parameters based on input from its district. It does this through a combination of polling, blog-scanning, and event tracking, weighted by our proprietary metrics.

27. An issue polls at less than 50% support in my district. Why is my RoboSenator voting for it?

      Because several factors are individually considered in determining a RoboSenator's parameter self-adjustment, polls by themselves do not always match a RoboSenator's voting record. Some, but not all, of the reasons for this include:
  • Issues are ranked by importance in district polling. For issues weighted as "unimportant" or "marginal," polls are only a minor factor, superseded by other measures of civic engagement such as rallies or blog posts.
  • Due to differences in poll wording, support numbers reported on your local newscast may differ from those collected by the RoboSenator's unbiased heuristic modeling.
  • RoboSenator models start with their own weighting on various issues, viewable in the per-model source code at dev.robosenate.gov. New RoboSenators may take some time to learn the views of their exact district.

31. My RoboSenator supports an issue that most other RoboSenators of that model do not support.

      Due to regional variations between different voting districts, your RoboSenator will differ from other RoboSenators of same or similar model. This is by design. Your RoboSenator is responding to the needs or desires of your district.

32. My RoboSenator supports an issue that the model's namesake would have disagreed with.

      Due to parameter self-adjustments, your RoboSenator will not always retain the initial settings it had upon deployment to your region. This is by design. Your RoboSenator is responding to the needs or desires of your district.

34. My RoboSenator supports an issue that seems unlikely given my area's (conservative/liberal) rating.

      Due to regional variations between different voting districts, your RoboSenator will differ from other RoboSenators representing similarly ranked districts. This is by design. Your RoboSenator is responding to the needs or desires of your district. Factors such as ethnicity or religion often play a role. For instance, areas high in members of Church of Jesus Christ of Final-Days Saints are often "conservative" but support issues such as plural marriage; and areas high in members of Church of the New Holy Roman Empire are often "liberal" but oppose issues such as abortion.

42. My RoboSenator has recently changed its opinion on an issue even though there have been no polling or district changes for months.

      Due to the algorithms that guide self-modification in RoboSenator parameters, voting district changes (such as annual redistricting) can take several months to be reflected in voting patterns. This is by design. The algorithms are designed to resist manipulation by only responding to trends observed over time, discarding outlying results caused by blogbombing or flash micromobs.

78. How can I get my RoboSenator to support a particular issue?

      While it is extremely hard for activists to overcome raw polling numbers on issues important to your district, your RoboSenator responds favorably to continued, consistent direct action and advocacy on most issues. Organizing rallies, news coverage or blog coverage in favor of your issue are all statistically proven ways to influence RoboSenator voting, especially on issues identified as locally unimportant or locally marginal.

163. Is your company run by atheist commies?

      Eric Meshuggener is an atheist commie. However, he is outvoted 2-1 on our governing board. The other two are on your side.

164. Is your company run by theocratic nazis?

      James Halliburton VI is a theocratic nazi. However, he is outvoted 2-1 on our governing board. The other two are on your side.

      Have a nice day,

Hal Megillah
Diebold-Halliburton-Meshuggener Automated Feedback Response Team
support@robosenate.gov

Current Location: ~/brainstorm
Current Mood: goodgood
Current Music: "Awakening," Xenogears OST
Tags: , ,

(22 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments
 
[User Picture]
From:mr_silvers
Date:October 13th, 2008 01:23 am (UTC)
(Link)
I do believe you, sir, have too much time on your hands.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:baxil
Date:October 13th, 2008 02:02 am (UTC)

Google is seriously on the ball today.

(Link)
Okay, that's scary.

This may help. There's a few Jewish-language in-jokes in the piece.
[User Picture]
From:baphnedia
Date:October 13th, 2008 01:42 am (UTC)
(Link)
You know, you could tie in Customer Support Week and NaNoWriMo with the backlog of Robosenator requests. No plot. Just a look into your world of complaints and responses... :P
[User Picture]
From:baxil
Date:October 13th, 2008 02:00 am (UTC)
(Link)
Bonus trivia to reward you for clicking through to the comments!

The prior support request number (#27B-6/10984262001) is composed of two concatenated pop culture references. 27B stroke 6 is from the movie Brazil, and probably recognizable; 10,984,262,001 is from the final line of Rhythm Corps' "Number Song,"* is completely and unfairly obscure, and is the number I pull out of my brain whenever I need to rattle off something that sounds huge and precise.

--
* "On a day light reached the earth / From 10 billion, 984 million, two hundred and sixty two thousand and one / Light years away."
[User Picture]
From:amthrax
Date:October 13th, 2008 04:15 am (UTC)
(Link)
I was half way through watching Brazil for the second time in about ten years when you posted this.

I've been out of touch with blogs for a few years. You might remember me from the dartboard problem you and roaminrob came up with ages ago: I forwarded the problem to the friend I was rooming with, who forwarded it to an old IRC friend of his who turned out to be roaminrob.

Who turned on the improbability drive?
[User Picture]
From:roaminrob
Date:October 13th, 2008 08:42 am (UTC)
(Link)
Clearly, tests are still being run at the LHC.

Cool! I haven't been on IRC in a looooooong time. Have you heard from Ambs/Dan recently?
[User Picture]
From:necama
Date:October 13th, 2008 04:37 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Actually, they're currently warming up the LHC to repair (or replace) a superconducting magnet that turned out to not support the current load required to do the experiment (read: quenched and heated up to 100 K almost immediately, resulting in about 1 ton of liquid heilum boiling off very quickly).

They probably won't start running experiments until next year.
[User Picture]
From:roaminrob
Date:October 13th, 2008 04:45 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I knew that, actually. I was being humoronical.

I've been following news on the LHC pretty closely. I refuse to make any black hole jokes, but the improbability drive was too good to pass up.
[User Picture]
From:amthrax
Date:October 13th, 2008 06:54 pm (UTC)
(Link)
He and I actually work on the same floor of MIT's CS lab, so I'm constantly abreast of his shenanigans. He just finished a big paper deadline, so this week he's off vacationing in some undisclosed location in Europe because his miles were deflating. I'll be sure to pass on your greetings when he returns.
[User Picture]
From:baxil
Date:October 16th, 2008 07:01 am (UTC)
(Link)
Good to see you around again. :) Clearly there was some tug on the collective unconscious earlier this week.
[User Picture]
From:krinndnz
Date:October 15th, 2008 07:06 am (UTC)

bbbbreak down beat

(Link)
[User Picture]
From:baxil
Date:October 16th, 2008 07:00 am (UTC)

Re: bbbbreak down beat

(Link)
I'm more partial to the one I linked in my post earlier comment, but yay DJ Shadow anyway!

Also, I can't help but notice that your comment appears to be TITS up.

Edited at 2008-10-16 07:02 am (UTC)
[User Picture]
From:chipuni
Date:October 13th, 2008 03:49 am (UTC)
(Link)
This is wonderful. Thank you!
[User Picture]
From:frameacloud
Date:October 13th, 2008 04:36 am (UTC)
(Link)
I LOVE IT.
[User Picture]
From:firestrike
Date:October 13th, 2008 08:10 am (UTC)

Ack!

(Link)
Apparently, the entire robosenate.gov site is down! How am I supposed to pull a copy of the initial behavioral programming? I need this info as a baseline to target my marketing & media efforts and properly mold my RoboSenator's political positions.
[User Picture]
From:baxil
Date:October 13th, 2008 06:05 pm (UTC)

Re: Ack!

(Link)
Not to worry. I contacted Diebold-Halliburton-Meshuggener, and they informed me this is a scheduled 12-hour outage for system maintenance. It should be back up by 6 a.m. Thursday.*

--
* March 12, 2037.
[User Picture]
From:elynne
Date:October 13th, 2008 09:31 pm (UTC)
(Link)
*heheheheee* Thank you for finding something for me to actually giggle about inre: politics. ;)
[User Picture]
From:baxil
Date:October 16th, 2008 06:47 am (UTC)
(Link)
Glad to help. And politics can't be all bad with Obama's current commanding lead. For the first time in my adult life, I'm looking forward to November 4.
[User Picture]
From:joysweeper
Date:October 14th, 2008 02:26 am (UTC)
(Link)
Huh. Very interesting.

Gingrich too? Oh... oh, dear. (Ironically, my first thought was of a comic book politician named Henry Peter Gyrich. That would be very bad too, and wow have I gotten caught up in comic books.)
[User Picture]
From:baxil
Date:October 16th, 2008 06:45 am (UTC)
(Link)
"Abilities: Administration! Weaknesses: Intolerance for lack of efficiency!" That is the awesomest superpower set ever. The climactic fight against his greatest rival would be a one-on-one with Captain Paperwork.

At least Gyrich got a superhero Affirmative Action program set up, something no modern Republican would be caught dead doing.
[User Picture]
From:joysweeper
Date:October 16th, 2008 01:38 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Heh. Yeah, the Marvel Wiki doesn't have nearly as much fun with things as the awesomely irreverent Transformers wiki, but there's a sense of humor in there somewhere.

... And the thing is, there is a Captain who does his paperwork(scroll to the last hero) and generally opposes Gyrich, though nominally they're on the same side. *is a geek*

Yeah, Gyrich's not Republican. He did get fired over something he did. Willfull, obstructive malice that's not explicitly evil isn't an exclusive thing.
Tomorrowlands Powered by LiveJournal.com