Dear Google,

I was attempting today to use your fine Google Maps service, and ran across an unexpected error.

You see, I was trying to do a quick and dirty calibration of my pedometer, so I figured I'd get the distance of a few blocks' walk home from the store. (I know it would be a necessarily inexact figure, but good enough for present purposes.) I requested directions down Fulweiler Avenue, as you can see here: [link].

To my consternation, I discovered that while its directions for walking in a straight line were uncannily accurate to late-night strolls I have had in the past, I am insufficiently drunk at the moment to replicate that walking pattern.

Accordingly, I would appreciate it if you would help rectify this unfortunate error of yours. I have just finished eating a quite tasty bagel with garlic and herb cream cheese, so a nice, light white wine would serve with distinction as a postprandial; however, some port or perhaps Guinness would also do in a pinch.

Please remit alcoholic beverage of choice (I am over 21; proof of age can be submitted as necessary) to:
(address omitted)

Many thanks.

T. 'Baxil' Ramspott, Esq.