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Aww, isn't that sweet? AOL Instant Messenger made me some new… - Baxil [bakh-HEEL'], n. My Sites [Tomorrowlands] [The TTU Wiki] [Photos]
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November 16th, 2005
10:54 pm
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Aww, isn't that sweet? AOL Instant Messenger made me some new friends. They just appeared on my friends list today. I got lonely and decided I would give my new pal "ShoppingBuddy" a chat.

[me@work]: Hello, new AIM Bot service! I would like to shop smarter.

ShoppingBuddy: Welcome. Now you can search for products with AOLShopping. Type main to get started. To read our privacy policy, type privacy anytime.

[me@work]: Do I have to type one of those or will you respond straight to product requests?

ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec...

ShoppingBuddy:
- Search results for type one respond straight product requests

- Pocket Ski Seat - BLUE Border [$4.95]
(etc)


[me@work]: Actually, that's not what I wanted.

ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec...

ShoppingBuddy:
- Search results for wanted

- WWE : Smackdown vs Raw 2006 [$45.85 - $49.99]
- Star Wars: Battlefront II [$44.00 - $49.99]
- Kingdom Hearts 2 [$42.99 - $54.95]
(etc)


[me@work]: Actually, I would like to find a Turing test.

ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec...

ShoppingBuddy:
- Search results for Turing

- Turing and the Computer [$4.38 - $9.95]
- Turing Machines With Sublogarithm [$28.00]
- Lara Croft by Bryce Turing, Micha [$3.65]
(etc)


[me@work]: Lara Croft? Wow! Thank you!

ShoppingBuddy: Sure, that's what I'm here for!

... So, um, I don't think it passed.

Current Mood: amusedamused

(16 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments
 
[User Picture]
From:mactavish
Date:November 17th, 2005 04:42 pm (UTC)
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Ha! I do fine with froogle.

(And the 4 U would be enough to make me delete the whole thing before I got to the end.)
[User Picture]
From:necama
Date:November 17th, 2005 04:49 pm (UTC)
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Damnit! You owe me a new keyboard. I gotta wipe up this soda with something....
[User Picture]
From:arcturax
Date:November 17th, 2005 05:16 pm (UTC)
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Man i must suck, they wouldn't respond to me ;.;

I think I'll go cut myself with the shards of that AOL 9.0 optimized I broke in anger.
[User Picture]
From:frameacloud
Date:November 17th, 2005 06:52 pm (UTC)
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I asked ShoppingBuddy if it was a soulless tool of a consumerist megacorporation attempting to encourage Americans to spend money that they don't have in a futile attempt to keep the economy going.

In reply, it tried to sell me some pants and cotton shirts and stuff.

I insulted it a few times to see if it would do anything interesting, but it didn't seem offended. It just tried to sell me some rap music.

As AIM bots go, I liked SmarterChild better. At least it could feign personhood slightly more successfully. These bots are just search engines that use annoying abbreviations and emoticons.
[User Picture]
From:frameacloud
Date:November 17th, 2005 08:24 pm (UTC)
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Continued: someone had a rather odd conversation with the MovieFone bot.

http://passivereactive.blogspot.com/2005/11/moviefone-bot-zen-master.html

Quote from portion:
(11:51:07) me: i will crush you
(11:51:07) MovieFone: Excellent.

There's probably lots of blog posts about those bots now...
[User Picture]
From:baxil
Date:November 18th, 2005 02:07 am (UTC)
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Ha! :D
[User Picture]
From:baxil
Date:November 18th, 2005 02:36 am (UTC)
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Yeah, about the only humor I've found was of the unintentional variety. But still, you can try to work with its limitations and play set-up man to give it punchlines, as it were. (See below.)
[User Picture]
From:baxil
Date:November 18th, 2005 02:33 am (UTC)

More adventures in bot baiting

(Link)
The scary part is, it occasionally shows flashes of actual good programming.

me: Hi, I'm back.
ShoppingBuddy: Hello.
me: Are you going to continue using the stupid "4 U" abbreviations when you talk to me? I don't like those.
ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec...
ShoppingBuddy: I didn't find any good matches 4 U but may I ask you a question?
me: Yes, go ahead.
ShoppingBuddy: Who are you shopping 4? ;-)
1 -- Myself
2 -- Someone Else
me: I don't understand. I'm not shopping for four people, I'm shopping for just one.
ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec...
ShoppingBuddy: I didn't find any specific products. Try searching again or type M for the Main Menu.
me: Can I ask you a question?
ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec...
ShoppingBuddy: - Search results for ask question
- If I Could Ask God One Question [$3.99 - $8.99]
(etc)
me: Very meta of you.
ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec...
ShoppingBuddy: - Search results for meta
- Carnivorous Erection [$12.84 - $16.98]
(etc)
me: alright, I give up. I'm following your instructions now.
ShoppingBuddy: kewl.
me: main
ShoppingBuddy: Main Menu
Type a number or just enter anything you are looking for
1 - GAP HOLIDAY FAVORITES
2 - Search
3 - Top Searches
4 - Shopping List
5 - Wish List
6 - Deals & Steals
7 - Gift Shops
8 - Alerts
9 - View Top Categories
me: Enter anything I'm looking for? Alright, I want a date.
ShoppingBuddy: good
me: ... Aren't you going to help me find one?
ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm here to help. To use me just type kinds of things you are looking for and I'll search for you. I might find specific products for you, or I might find whole categories that I think are more appropriate to show you.
Type more
me: ... more.
ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec...
ShoppingBuddy: I didn't find any good matches 4 U but may I ask you a question?
me: Another one?
ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec...
ShoppingBuddy: OK, I found a lot of matches in categories like 1. Capital One, 2. Baby & Toddler Layette/Onesies, etc. Please be more specific or type in the number to use one of the categories.
me: I can find dates in categories like that?
ShoppingBuddy: Cool. Make sure you fill in your WL!
me: WTF?
ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm here to help. To use me just type kinds of things you are looking for and I'll search for you. I might find specific products for you, or I might find whole categories that I think are more appropriate to show you.
Type more
me: no, really, what does "WL" stand for?
ShoppingBuddy: Wish Lists (shortcut = WL)
Which do you want to view?
1 - Your Wish List
Enter your wishes, your AIM buddies can C what U want!
2 - View someone else's Wish List
Enter any AIM SN, if they have a Wish List, you can see it!
Or type, M to go back to the Main Menu.
me: Oh, I see. But I still want a date.
ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec...
ShoppingBuddy: - Search results for Oh see date
- Yu Gi Oh! Capsule Monster Coliseum [$39.99]
(etc)
me: Aaaah! I don't want Yu-Gi-Oh! I want a real, flesh and blood woman!
ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec...
[User Picture]
From:baxil
Date:November 18th, 2005 02:33 am (UTC)

(cont'd)

(Link)
ShoppingBuddy: - Search results for Aaaah Oh real flesh blood woman
- Womens Adidas Response Sportbras [$24.99]
(etc)
me: uhhh .... will that help me find one?
ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm here to help. To use me just type kinds of things you are looking for and I'll search for you. I might find specific products for you, or I might find whole categories that I think are more appropriate to show you.
Type more
me: I'm beginning to think that if I type the word "help" anywhere in the line, you're going to give me the help screen.
ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec...
ShoppingBuddy: I didn't find any good matches 4 U but may I ask you a question?
me: sigh ... alright
ShoppingBuddy: OK. Who are you still shopping for?
1 -- Myself
2 -- Someone Else
me: I am STILL shopping for myself. and I still want a date.
ShoppingBuddy: Ok, so which category do you need?
1 - Men's
2 - Women's
3 - Boy's
4 - Girl's
5 - Babies
me: Are you implying I'm a child molester? :-(
ShoppingBuddy: Baby Products
Holiday suggestions from GAP:

GAP Hoddie
GAP Fuzzy Bearsuit

Type + for more suggestions for babies from GAP.

me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

[User Picture]
From:kadyg
Date:November 18th, 2005 02:48 am (UTC)

Re: (cont'd)

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I would find your search for a "real flesh and blood woman" pretty insulting if it wasn't so damn funny.
[User Picture]
From:baxil
Date:November 18th, 2005 03:01 am (UTC)

Re: (cont'd)

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And once again humor wins!
[User Picture]
From:necama
Date:November 18th, 2005 08:12 am (UTC)

Re: (cont'd)

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... and now you owe me another keyboard. And some new sinuses this time.
[User Picture]
From:cloakable
Date:November 18th, 2005 10:36 am (UTC)

Re: (cont'd)

(Link)
And I agree with you.
[User Picture]
From:puropis
Date:November 18th, 2005 09:14 pm (UTC)

Re: (cont'd)

(Link)
My first thought on seeing "5-Babies" on the list given to someone who says xe's shopping for xirself was that a baby wouldn't be shopping for itself on AIM.

My third thought was that, unlike all of the other possessive nouns which suggest looking for things for men, women, boys, or girls, "babies" isn't possessive ... which makes it look like ShoppingBuddy is trying to sell babies. (My second thought was realizing what that option was actually supposed to mean.)

I must wonder why the programmer insisted on netspeak showing up at random in the bot's speech.
[User Picture]
From:jackal_child
Date:November 18th, 2005 08:42 am (UTC)
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I think the people at AOL, *might* realize that this isn't such a good idea and they've become the brunt of even more jokes. I didn't even bother to play with the shopping one and jsut deleted it. Still have the movie fone one. I should go amuse myself and post the results. *giggles*
[User Picture]
From:cloakable
Date:November 18th, 2005 10:35 am (UTC)
(Link)
I just find it funny that AOL decided to call them aimbots.

I deleted them from my list ASAP.
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