In lieu of a dozen important things I'd like to write, I'd like to at least take a few seconds to clear some improperly ordered thoughts out of my brain:
3) I was with my family in Maine this week, and at one point my father was discussing some properties along the street we were driving. Except instead of "rental cottage" he used the words "rental college." I know this was just a malapropism but kadyg
and I immediately agreed that it was the COOLEST THING EVER. It would be awesome to be able to rent a college out for a semester or two, teach your own classes, and hand out University of Your-Name-Here degrees.
0) The programmers in the audience should appreciate this one. I did a search through my music library today on the word "true" to find a particular song I wanted to move between playlists; it turned up three results. Something deep in my brain clicked, and I paused, went back to the search box, and looked up "false." Happily, it did in fact return 0.
2) Kady and I held a conversation in the car about parking deities, and we discovered that we have some religious incompatibilities to work through: She calls upon Squat (Goddess* of the Parking Lot) for her vehicular needs, whereas my parking pleas go to Hank (God of Parking).
This led to a discussion of the relative merits of said parking gods, and since discussions of relative efficiency et. al. would have been merely anecdotal and not at all objective, we found a wonderful metric with which to compare the utility of our respective deities: How well their names fit into impromptu parking cheers.
I am sad to report that Squat is the clear winner in this regard. It was easy to come up with the following riff:
Squat! Squat! You're so hot!
Help me now to find a spot!
Can you call her? You may not!
For she's MY goddess of the lot!*
Whereas in order to beseech Hank in similar meter I had to not only take a more aggressive tone but also murder the ghost of grammar:
Hank! Hank! I'm getting crank-
y! Help me out, that last spot stank!
I need to park right near the bank
So find a spot to get my thanks!
I guess at least I can take comfort in the fact we're still both doing better than the Christians with parking needs:
Jesus! Jesus! Do not tease us!
We need a parking spot to please us!(Cheer ends early due to further rhymes being total travesties of English)
* Edited to fix gender. See comments.