June 23rd, 2005

Saint Nigel

New, from ChristCorp (r) (tm)

Is your search for ultimate truth too ... boring? Could you use some "dangerously fun and exciting high-tech missions" in your spiritual journey? Are you "ready to turn your neighborhood upside down with the message of the gospel"? Have these guys got the program for you!

I have to admit that -- for a look-we're-hip-and-can-change-with-the-times-too Christian children's program -- "J-Force" actually looks pretty well-assembled. Secret decoders and all.

But for the life of me, I can't help but think it's got an exceptionally unfortunate name (and ad campaign).

"J-Force." It sounds like the sort of dangerous summer program that lures good Christian youth away from pious prayer into a life of hard Gospels, fast sermons, cheap Chick tracts, and loose Bible bindings. You try to turn them around after you find them one morning sleeping behind the church with a Revised Standard Version in their coat pocket, a headache the size of Palestine, and a nosebleed like the Great Flood -- but their unfortunate little habit has become a "lifestyle". Pretty soon they're dragging politics into their religion and telling people the Pope is burning in hell, and they're beyond the help of an intervention. All you can do is kick them out of the house on their 18th birthday, and the last you hear of them, they've taken up skydiving for Jesus and "imparting" faith in Christ at gunpoint with the men of FORCE Ministries.

So beware! Beware the insidious "force" agenda and its gateway programs. Sit in a basement and do something safe like re-reading Romans 14:1-2 and discussing what the Bible thinks about vegetarians.1, 2

1. Note to Christian vegetarians: I'm taking this passage wildly out of context to make a funny. No offense intended. Hi Sarah!
2. Note to everyone else: Joke shamelessly stolen from Demon Hunters: Dead Camper Lake. Which you should see sometime because it's good.
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