December 21st, 2007

startledcat is startled

Great moments in legalese (part 2,037 of a continuing series)

The Terms of Use at ElfYourself.com include the following mind-boggling phrase, retyped* verbatim (emphasis mine):

"GRANT OF RIGHTS. By submitting a photograph or any other materials or information to the Web site ... you hereby grant to Company ... the unlimited, worldwide, irrevocable, perpetual and royalty-free right and license to use, host, cache, copy, distribute, display, perform, publish, broadcast, transmit, modify, reformat, translate, or otherwise exploit in any manner whatsoever your Submission throughout the universe, in perpetuity, in any manner or venue whatsoever, ... by means of any and all media and devices whether now known or hereafter devised."

I know that nobody ever reads the legalese, and companies sneak all sorts of ridiculous clauses in there, but that's got to be a new one. (Never mind the chilling declaration of their right to to exploit you. No, I mean: universe.)

Is OfficeMax developing some sort of offworld broadcast technology we don't know about?

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EDITED TO ADD: The wording above is NOT available on their Terms of Use page. To see the Terms I quoted from, wait for the site to load, click on "Start the Elfamorphosis," and click on "Upload Photo". Here's a screenshot containing the 'throughout the universe' phrase.

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* Hooray for not being able to select text out of Flash movies! You guys better appreciate what I went through to retype that. I had to endure about FIVE SOLID MINUTES of using a crappy grab bar to scroll through a tiny box -- gnawing shapeless and ravenous amidst the muffled, maddening beat and the thin, monotonous whine of those accursed jingle bells.**
** Shit. I think I just lost six Sanity points. If I go missing tonight, look for me at Arkham Sanitarium.
  • Current Music
    jingle jingle *jingle* *jingle* *JINGLE* *JINGLE* ...
  • Tags
punitive damages (pic by me)

Friday Night Poetry Theater

Copied from a chat log earlier tonight, for your amusement and/or edification*:

tropism: Hee. "Let's make sure the world ends with a gang-bang, not a gang-whisper."
baxil: ...
tropism: ?
baxil: Some say the world will end in gang-bang,
Some say in whispers.
From chicks I've plied with yummy cake
I know the world is hard to rape.
But if that gang does really try
Then hide your mothers and your sisters
And give them guys, 'cause then you'll see
The whispers fly
And grown men flee.


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* That's right. This poem has the power to change your name to Ed. Ha-HAH!