December 27th, 2009

Bax as Aryan youth

"Sherlock Holmes" in 30 seconds

Robert Downey Jr.: Hey Watson, check me out. I'm House!
Jude Law: No you're not.
Robert Downey Jr.: I totally am. I'm an irascible slovenly guy that mistreats his closest friends. I even gave myself his five-o'clock-shadow beard and rumpled hair.
Jude Law: Stop that. Hugh Laurie is House. You're Sherlock Holmes.
Robert Downey Jr.: Okay okay okay. Fine. I'll find another shtick.
Jude Law: You don't need a shtick. You're Sherlock Holmes.
Robert Downey Jr.: Wait, I've got it. Watson, check me out. I'm Batman!
Jude Law: *sigh*
Robert Downey Jr.: Master of disguise! Best bare-knuckled fighter in the world! Singlehandedly defeating crazy occult supervillains with my superpowers of kicking ass! And being smart.
Jude Law: Christian Bale is Batman. You're Iron Man -- I mean, Sherlock Holmes.
Robert Downey Jr.: No, I'm serious, I'm totally the mutherf--king Batman.
Jude Law: This movie is set in Victorian England. You are not the Batman.
Robert Downey Jr.: Three words. "Gotham By Gaslight."
Jude Law: *sigh* Just play your role already, Holmes.
Robert Downey Jr.: I am!
Jude Law: Your Sherlock Holmes role. You are Sherlock Holmes.
Robert Downey Jr.: *mumble* You should talk, Mr. Taller-And-Skinnier-Than-Me. "Oh, look at me, I'm Dr. Watson, I have perfect vision and I never got shot in Afghanistan --"
Jude Law: What's that? I didn't quite hear you over the sound of the giant explosions.
Robert Downey Jr.: Oh, nothing, nothing.

... So, yeah, meh. kadyg liked it -- or at least wants to see it again from not in the very front corner of the theater. Me? Something about the way that they cherrypicked the source material and booted everything that they didn't like just hit me like a slap in the face. (All set to the strains of annoying plinky plunky music that sounded like it wanted to be ragtime.)

It was an action movie. You can't turn Sherlock Holmes into an action movie!

Or, well, maybe you can. Rotten Tomatoes is currently giving it a 69%, so the public seems to think the film's getting more right than wrong. Personally, let's call it a C-; I want to call it a D+ but I think part of that opinion is due to poor theater placement.