June 4th, 2012

go cry emo lake

Typed up to the sound of hail outside

Dear Month of June,

I wish I had happier occasion to write — you have long been a dear friend; hosting graduations and hikes and warm lazy days — but your outrageous behavior has forced our hands.

With regret, we must revoke your membership in the League of Summer Months, effective immediately.

The Northern California Chapter of LoSM takes its responsibilities seriously. Our bylaws are quite clear: golden-brown hills; cloudless skies; dwindling rivers; aggressive temperatures. We know that no month can adhere to those standards perfectly, and we do make allowance for the occasional thunderstorm or cold front; but nevertheless those are the ideals to which we strive.

Your first hailstorm resulted in a warning. Perhaps you thought we were joking, because the following year you tested our limits once again. It is only the desperate pleas of August which prevented your immediate dismissal, and you were warned that you would be strictly monitored for any further misbehavior.

Sadly, a third successive year of hail is too much for our patience. Please mail in your membership card. Your dues will not be refunded.

It is our fond hope that you seek a position in the Spring Coalition, which might be more tolerant of your lifestyle choices. (I understand that May has even been written a warning for her recent violation of the Snow Code.) We plan to extend a membership offer to September in the near future.


League of Summer Months membership coordinator
Northern California Chapter