It's been a brutal few weeks at work, but today was quiet. roaminrob and I were able to tame the support backlog and even had some free time in the afternoon. We got virtually no calls.

Except for this voicemail:

from: "WIRELESS CALLER" [*Rob's phone number*]
date: Friday, December 07, 2007 at 02:21:15 PM
duration: 0:13
msg#: 87
transcription: "The internet's down! Aghgahhaaahhhgh!"

roaminrob escalated the support ticket (titled: "Internet Failure") to our senior admin, Chip. After that, here is the sequence of comments left on the ticket.

12/7 4:45pm chip:
ha ha.

12/07 Rob:
More reports pouring in from our customers: see e-mail below. Suspect EPIC FAIL.

From: Baxil
Subject: Reports of Internet failure; please confirm

Dear Spiral, I'm one of your customers and I heard my coworker
screaming something about an Internet failure into the phone. I don't
know what's going on and I haven't even checked to see if I can get on
the Internet yet, but I know that this must be your fault because I
pay you for service. Even though you haven't actually collected any
money from me yet.

So get things fixed. Or else I'll have to call up and be disappointed
with one of your technical support reps.

Signed,

A Customer Who Won't Even Give You His Account Number

12/7 TR - I have investigated reports of epic Internet failure and suspect it has something to do with the data shown in this image: http://www.tomorrowlands.org/images/20071207_bandwidth_summary.jpg At this point, Chip is probably the only one who can save the Internets. Escalating, and fleeing for the safety of the harbor.

12/07 5:27p.m. Rob:
I am updating this investigation from the safety of my home. Canned goods are stocked, water is still running. Zombies outside, but reinforcements brought ammunition. Morale: Good. An old hacker friend has plotted a graph of this epic internet failure.

12/7 5:31p TR - Internet connection reduced to CPOIP protocol. Worse, aquatic zombies eating the pigeons. Did determine trend of failures. Please send harpoon guns.

12/07 5:34 p.m. Rob:
Home network suffered massive degradation -- an OC-3 of overhead CPOIP dropped packets into my water supply. Morale = very no.

12/7 5:37p TR - Rob, did you remove the load balancing data from my signal carrier?

12/7 5:38 p.m. Rob:
No.

12/7 5:39p TR - Rob, did you remove the load balancing data from 400,000 of my signal carriers?

12/7 5:39 p.m. Rob:
Yes. Very yes!

12/7 5:40p TR - Well, do something about it before it gets any worse!

--
Edited to add:
12/10 TR - Fortunately, problem self-resolved due to influx of pirates. ( http://tinyurl.com/27nr5d )
Suggest we consider pre-emptive measures to prevent global cooling catastrophe.