Except for this voicemail:
from: "WIRELESS CALLER" [*Rob's phone number*]
date: Friday, December 07, 2007 at 02:21:15 PM
duration: 0:13
msg#: 87
transcription: "The internet's down! Aghgahhaaahhhgh!"
12/7 4:45pm chip:
ha ha.
12/07 Rob:
More reports pouring in from our customers: see e-mail below. Suspect EPIC FAIL.
From: Baxil
Subject: Reports of Internet failure; please confirm
Dear Spiral, I'm one of your customers and I heard my coworker
screaming something about an Internet failure into the phone. I don't
know what's going on and I haven't even checked to see if I can get on
the Internet yet, but I know that this must be your fault because I
pay you for service. Even though you haven't actually collected any
money from me yet.
So get things fixed. Or else I'll have to call up and be disappointed
with one of your technical support reps.
Signed,
A Customer Who Won't Even Give You His Account Number
12/7 TR - I have investigated reports of epic Internet failure and suspect it has something to do with the data shown in this image: http://www.tomorrowlands.org/images/20071207_bandwidth_summary.jpg At this point, Chip is probably the only one who can save the Internets. Escalating, and fleeing for the safety of the harbor.
12/07 5:27p.m. Rob:
12/7 5:31p TR - Internet connection reduced to CPOIP protocol. Worse, aquatic zombies eating the pigeons. Did determine trend of failures.
12/07 5:34 p.m. Rob:
Home network suffered massive degradation -- an OC-3 of overhead CPOIP dropped packets into my water supply. Morale = very no.
12/7 5:37p TR - Rob, did you remove the load balancing data from my signal carrier?
12/7 5:38 p.m. Rob:
No.
12/7 5:39p TR - Rob, did you remove the load balancing data from 400,000 of my signal carriers?
12/7 5:39 p.m. Rob:
Yes. Very yes!
12/7 5:40p TR - Well, do something about it before it gets any worse!
--
Edited to add:
12/10 TR - Fortunately, problem self-resolved due to influx of pirates. ( http://tinyurl.com/27nr5d )
Suggest we consider pre-emptive measures to prevent global cooling catastrophe.