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August 20th, 2009
12:42 am
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Passing thought

I've been noticing two things develop hand in hand as I age: patience and regrets.

It's not that I regret what I've done ... just that, as I have grown more fully capable of realizing the goals that I once set for myself, as I have learned to dedicate myself to them and work for them in long stretches instead of short bursts, I have also learned -- had to learn -- how to pick and choose my ambitions.

I'm getting more done of consequence, I suppose, but I am taking more and more of my time to do it, settling into long, comfortable rhythms rather than a sense of perpetual urgency.

So it's regret for the dreams that I have not yet chased, I suppose. Premature regret, in some ways, since there's nothing stopping me -- but I feel a greater pull toward the things I am already devoting myself to, so I'm growing more conscious of the tradeoffs that would be involved.

You'd think patience -- the ability to more effectively track down your dreams -- would be a good thing. It's strange and a bit sad that this clarity comes at a price.

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(2 comments | Leave a comment)

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Date:August 23rd, 2009 08:42 am (UTC)
FWIW, I genuinely wish I had your patience.

I doubt at this point that I will get to rest before I die.
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Date:August 23rd, 2009 11:50 pm (UTC)
Well, "patience" is simultaneously both the right word and the wrong word for it; while emotional patience and self-pacing are certainly aspects of that, I was mostly getting at a sort of ... maturity? deliberation? ... where I can more and more effectively take the long view, and address important projects in stages rather than needing to finish everything in a single burst of activity or else fail to get it accomplished.

On at least one level you have infinitely more patience than I do. You've successfully gotten a business off the ground and you're looking at least two big steps ahead to what you want to do with what its success will give you. I have a few long-range ambitions, and a number of mid-range plans, but I don't now have the overarching goals you do.
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