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Readers Wanted: "The Time In Her Eye" - Baxil [bakh-HEEL'], n. My Sites [Tomorrowlands] [The TTU Wiki] [Photos]
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December 3rd, 2009
02:55 pm
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Readers Wanted: "The Time In Her Eye"
 
Earth as we know it is no more. It shattered like an eggshell into the darkness of unspace, and its surface fragments now float in a deadly void. The survivors huddled together, staying as far away from the edges as possible and rationing out their dwindling supplies of food. Then out from the void came a few people who had fallen in -- and instead of dying, gained a new form and the power to traverse the emptiness.

Dex* is a dragon, one of the lucky few to be transformed. For years he has kept the inhabitants of a small shard alive in the chaotic, unforgiving west. Then, one day, the helicopters arrive.

A continent away, an ambitious group of humans is reclaiming Earth from the Shatter -- one refugee at a time. New Florida doesn't seem to want shifters, but Dex* quietly slips in so he can remain with his wife. Then his instinct drives him to a discovery that changes his life forever -- and could pose a deadly threat to thousands of people and set a shattered world afire.

This is Dex's* story.


... At least it will be once it's fully edited. I wrote 30,000 words in November. Now I'd like a few brave, curious or simply bored volunteers from among my friends and regular readers.


What's in it for you: You get to read a story! This is its own reward (or punishment, depending on how you feel about my writing). Epic post-apocalyptic dragony goodness! Love! Lust! Action! Suspense! Mind-warping physics! And several interrobangs!

What's in it for me: The catch is, if you want to read you have to give me feedback to help me polish it. I've set the story up as a Google Doc that I'll share with interested friends. Leave comments on the story as you read (the commenting feature is already set up within the document and requires no technical knowledge). This doesn't have to be a big commitment -- there are six chapters; let's say six comments minimum -- but the more feedback you give me, the better I can make it when I sit down to edit.

To join in: Give me an e-mail address (this is important!) to send the Google Docs invitation to -- via a reply to this post, or an e-mail to the Tomorrowlands address in my profile. (If you already have a GMail or Google Docs account, give me that address and you won't need to do any extra logging in.) If you hate Google Docs with the passion of a thousand fiery suns, tell me and I'll give you a lower-tech alternative.

Comments are screened because I don't want to expose e-mail addresses to spammers. I will unscreen any comment not containing an address.

Thanks in advance!

--

UPDATE: I'm up to about 10 readers already, so I think I'll put new requests on hold for a bit as I do the rewrites suggested by the first batch. I'd still love volunteers -- you'll just have to be patient while I write the next draft, so you can tell me how TTIHE v1.1 reads without being influenced by this one.

--
* Name is likely to be changed in final version.

Current Location: ~spiral
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
Current Music: Cowboy Bebop OST, "Spokey Dokey"
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(11 comments | Leave a comment)

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From:baronlaw
Date:December 3rd, 2009 11:07 pm (UTC)
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I'll give it a shot. :)
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From:baxil
Date:December 3rd, 2009 11:33 pm (UTC)
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Whoops, sorry, didn't get the comment screening set right.

Added, thanks!
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From:baxil
Date:December 3rd, 2009 11:50 pm (UTC)
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Added!
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From:taral
Date:December 3rd, 2009 11:42 pm (UTC)
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I'll read. Although most of my feedback will be phrasing, word choice, spelling, punctuation, and grammar. :)

Edited at 2009-12-03 11:43 pm (UTC)
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From:baxil
Date:December 4th, 2009 12:09 am (UTC)
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Cool! Give me an e-mail address and I'll get you set up.

(My Inner Editor is pretty scrupulous about the nitpicking -- spelling, punctuation, etc. -- so hopefully your own IE won't have as much to do. I'd advise saving yourself some time and sanity and only commenting on the errors that push your Edit buttons the hardest -- and if you have some big-picture feedback to contribute along the way, that would be most excellent.

If you truly enjoy thrashing through stories at the nit-pick level, I can give you a clean copy later to mark up in a second pass.)
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From:zuki_san
Date:December 4th, 2009 03:14 am (UTC)
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I love beta reading, and stories. I may also share it with my partner if they like the story, and will likely be more critical than I. May I?
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From:baxil
Date:December 4th, 2009 10:07 am (UTC)
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Sure thing! Our unspoken policy around here is that partner(s) are exempt from the usual no-sharing conditions of friendslocked posts/beta reads/etc. We don't believe in forcing you to keep secrets from those closest to you. Critical reads are fine, as long as it's tempered with "constructive": the goal is to help me improve it, after all.

So, yeah, give me an e-mail address (for just you, or both) and I'll add in.
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From:baxil
Date:December 4th, 2009 07:42 pm (UTC)
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> You had me at "interrobangs".

I can't claim with a straight face that the !?s are particularly plot-relevant, but sometimes there's just no substitute. :)

In!
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From:cobaltie
Date:December 4th, 2009 02:42 pm (UTC)
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I'm actually really curious to give this a read! Not sure how editorial I'll be, I have a problem with that sometimes even in my own stuff, but I'm willing to give it a try. Especially curious since you mentioned borrowing some of the Broken Lands in spirit, and I love the 'world shattered and needs fixing' type of plot anyway. :-}
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From:baxil
Date:December 4th, 2009 09:22 pm (UTC)
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Great! Give me an e-mail address and I'll add you in.

Stand the Shatter and the Broken Lands back to back and they start to look more different -- in the Shatter, for example, most people simply can't go between shards at all; it's not a matter of whether they match (ground-level links generally stay at ground level), it's that the unspace in between them is untraverseable to everyone but shifters. The Shatter was also something humans brought upon themselves via some sort of recklessness in unspace experimentation, rather than a fact of life of the world around them.

However, the (western) Shatter and the Broken Lands have a lot in common; unmappable, random, ever-shifting, with a few fragile outposts of civilization that may or may not be in tenuous contact with each other. Near the edges, where the Shatter is more forgiving, there's people with ambitions of sitting down and mending it. There's a thematic kinship even though one's postapocalyptic urban fantasy and one's more steampunk.
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From:baxil
Date:December 7th, 2009 06:16 pm (UTC)
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I'm love to have you read it! You are a very thoughtful giver of feedback.

On the other hand, it's pretty clear at this point what the story's major deficiencies are; I'm going to sit down starting in January and thoroughly revise it. Would you be willing to jump in on the v1.1 beta read so I don't have your expectations of that colored by its current state? Or would you rather start now and see it evolve*?

--
* I'm tempted to say "like Magikarp into Gyarados," though I don't think it's going to be that extreme.
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