Dept. of Upcoming Events: "We are pleased to report that Baxil will be at Furcon over the weekend! Though he is arriving Friday night, your best chance to catch him will be Saturday or Sunday."
CFO's Office: "We look forward to not being perpetually broke. Someday."
Dept. of Video Games: "We were prepared to write off Final Fantasy XII as an uninspiring time-waster, until an underleveled battle with the esper Adrammelech that we won with 2 bleeding characters with a combined total of 200 HP (a 98%+ loss). It got our pulse pounding in ways that an FF game hasn't in years. Haste? Curaga? A Jedi needs not these things, only a desperation Quickening with two crippled, out-of-MP characters."
Dept. of Writing: "Our long-term plan remains to edit 'The Time In Her Eye.' However, recent interdepartmental transfers to VG and RP have left us short-staffed. Yes, VG, we're looking at you." (*pointed glare*)
Dept. of Muses: "Oh, hey. Did you know that the classical Japanese syllabary -- their equivalent of our 'ABCs' -- is a poem about mortality?"
Dept. of Relationships: "Though our overall sector is tanking -- with three divorces in progress among various friends -- we are pleased to report that our own holdings remain solid, with year-over-year snuggles holding steady and lengthy conversations still within acceptable tracking bounds. The increase in generalized Insecurity Index from the turbulent love market is having a negative impact on plans for acquisitions, but we're tentatively pleased with overall conditions."
Dept. of Aliases: "It has been experimentally determined that Baxil's drag-queen name is 'Pashmina Opa.' However, 'Lola Licks-A-Lot' made an unexpectedly strong showing in the popular vote."
Dept. of Roleplaying, GM Division: "Christ, my Fireborn posts aren't enough?"
Dept. of Roleplaying, Non-GM Division: "Q1 2010 is shaping up to break new ground in the field of character self-maiming, thanks to early innovation from Sascha the White, Bax's variant Monk in Mike's AD&D 3.5 campaign. While under magical boost and using an ability called Decisive Strike that doubles damage, she fumbled a punch and drew a card from the fumble deck: 'The attack hits yourself and is a critical threat.' The critical was confirmed, and she rolled 49 HP out of her total of 61! If she hadn't just gained a point of Damage Resistance as a class ability (or if she didn't have cold resistance as a racial trait), she would have done 50+ HP to herself, blown the Fortitude save vs. mass trauma, and died instantly."
Dept. of Internet References: "So basically what you're saying is that Sascha pulled a Tyson Fury?"
Dept. of Roleplaying, Life-Imitates-Art Division: "So, the last Fireborn session ended with two characters being grilled by Special Inspector McSweeney after some flagrantly illegal violence. The characters feigned ignorance; he had nothing solid to pin on them, so he gave them a verbal warning and let them walk away. The first thing that happened after Bax wrapped up game and left for home? He got pulled over by a cop for going over the speed limit. He feigned ignorance, so the cop gave him a verbal warning for 10-over and let him walk away. Bax reports being very glad he decided to let the characters off the hook."
Dept. of Spirituality: "Every time the staff meeting reaches consensus about whether to say anything on the topic of Na'vi Otherkin, someone gets cold feet and drags us back into deliberations again. Fortunately, though productivity is down, staff morale is high due to the joint project with RP/GM."
Dept. of Email Answering: "The few staff members who weren't decimated by November's meteor impact have either quit, given up in disgust, or perished in valiant holding actions against the mutant cockroach raiders. We're currently desperately seeking staff. Pay is low, morale is nonexistent, the backlog is an OSHA hazard and we're bleeding goodwill like a sword cut in a samurai movie. In other words, business as usual."