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Baxil [bakh-HEEL'], n.

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September 3rd, 2010
05:40 pm
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Don't say "ripoff." Say "homage."
Geez, I thought I'd have recovered from my hiking trip faster than this. But I've been spending my weeknights readjusting my sleep schedule and my weekend catching up with local friends. The computer looms in the background. Taunting me silently. With its eyes.*

So while I'm using Hugin to assemble cool panoramic shots from the trip in preparation for a big photo post, enjoy this gaming humor I produced in the spirit of the Mr. Welch series:

Things Mr. MacQuid is no longer allowed to do in Fireborn
  1. May not use the background Collector to start with an antiques shop with 50 karmic items.
  2. May not use the background Collector to start with a harem.
  3. No singing "I Believe I Can Fly" upon buying wings at Awakened Rank 1.
  4. ... Or at any other time.
  5. There is no secret fifth elemental attribute named "Heart."
  6. Even though I have the power Child of Fire, "who's your daddy?" is still a rhetorical question.
  7. No starting off flashbacks with the Wayne's World "Diddly-doo! Diddly-doo!" finger waves.
  8. No rating flashbacks on a "one-to-five 'shroom" scale.
  9. Smoking something that induced a flashback will not let me "re-enter it with better special effects".
  10. When I look at a strange woman and it induces a flashback, it is not appropriate to ask to "look at more of her in private".
  11. Staring at a cookie will not induce a flashback about elves.
  12. Eating ghost peppers will not give me the Fire Breathing legacy.
  13. The proper response to mages getting overkill successes is never to cook an egg on their head.
  14. Tall buildings plus Ephemeral Armor will not let me inflict falling damage on the Earth.
  15. Slow The Living does not change which partner finishes first.
  16. There is no variant of the spell "Flash" that involves raincoats.
  17. "Cthulhu" is not a valid Sire.
  18. "Cthulhu" is not a valid Alternate Form.
  19. "Pedobear" is not a valid Alternate Form.
  20. May not target Gaze of the Predator at children.
  21. Not allowed to create fighting style sequences with the Grope payoff.
  22. May not specify that my Venomous Attack injects LSD.
  23. May not call NPCs bought with the Ally edge "my minions".
  24. May not take Animal Affinity and Mentor in order to have been raised by wolves.
  25. No using Green Lord to make cats hold badly-spelled signs in Impact font.

--
* Note: Computers do not actually have eyes.

Current Location: ~spiral
Current Music: Kingdom Hearts OST, "Traverse Town"
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(16 comments | Leave a comment)

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[User Picture]
From:tangyabominy
Date:September 4th, 2010 02:27 am (UTC)
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25. NO CAN HAS? BUT WHAI?

Also, I don't actually know what you mean by a one-to-five tab scale, but my own personal geekery is making me think of Firefox. (Firefoxborn, the RPG where you play a reincarnated web browser. That would be extremely surreal.)
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From:suti_bun
Date:September 4th, 2010 07:55 am (UTC)
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You sir, are my hero... We read this and the comments today at our game group... You and the rest of the comments so far broke us HAHAA *cries*
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From:tangyabominy
Date:September 4th, 2010 02:41 pm (UTC)
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*g* Thanks! Though all credit is due to Baxil for starting it. :)
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From:baxil
Date:September 4th, 2010 09:29 am (UTC)
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> 25. NO CAN HAS? BUT WHAI?

Becuz mah associates have informed me that you has mah bukkit uv dice.

> Firefoxborn, the RPG where you play a reincarnated web browser!

My lord, this is brilliant and a half. XD I sense a parody coming on.

The original "tab" reference, I'm ashamed to say, was much more pedestrian: a tab is a dose of LSD. There are probably better words I could have used to indicate "rate the flashback on a scale of how many hallucinogens you've apparently taken", but I couldn't think of any.
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From:tangyabominy
Date:September 4th, 2010 02:40 pm (UTC)
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Was only ekksorcisin natchooral feline birfrites. Is in howse, belongs to kitteh.

And ahhhh, that kind of tab! I was thinking it might actually have been a Guitar Hero reference, as in one to five stars of difficulty, but with guitar tabs.

Because apparently my geek hierarchy runs "internet > videogames > drugs".
From:goldkin
Date:September 5th, 2010 12:43 am (UTC)
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> Firefoxborn, the RPG where you play a reincarnated web browser!

If anything, players should show a constant craving for resources, a deep desire for cookies, and a constant yearning for the "good ol' days" of the pre-dot-com bust. And the shipping possibilities are endless.


Thanks to both of you for the chuckle. I'm sure these will bring Zen much joy. :D
[User Picture]
From:baxil
Date:September 7th, 2010 11:17 am (UTC)
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> Firefoxborn, the RPG where you play a reincarnated web browser. That would be extremely surreal.

Psst. :D :D :D
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From:delcan
Date:September 4th, 2010 03:41 am (UTC)
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Re: Thing #7: Bogus, dude, totally bogus.

I imagine #9 should also lead to an additional rule against singing "Puff the Magic Dragon".
[User Picture]
From:baxil
Date:September 4th, 2010 09:46 am (UTC)
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We've actually done #7 in our game! It was just too hilarious to leave off the list.

If Mr. MacQuid is anything like his spiritual predecessors (Welch and/or Skippy), there's probably an unspoken blanket prohibition against singing, in place from the earliest days of the campaign. But yes, if there's an addition to the Fireborn list, Puff deserves a place somewhere. :D
(Deleted comment)
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From:baxil
Date:September 4th, 2010 09:31 am (UTC)
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You must twist these rules to your advantage! Sweet-talk your GM into playing your next campaign in Call of Cthulhu, and suddenly you'll be out-surviving the party.
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From:kinkyturtle
Date:September 4th, 2010 09:16 pm (UTC)
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And don't say "o-MAZH". Say "HOM-idge". Because it's not actually a French word.
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From:emerald_scales
Date:September 6th, 2010 02:52 am (UTC)
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err... so you managed to get that system to actually work? We tried it up here and found the combat to be broken and would basically need to be adapted to another gaming system instead.
[User Picture]
From:baxil
Date:September 6th, 2010 11:35 pm (UTC)
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I did! We're about 20 sessions into an awesome ongoing campaign. I've been writing up various experiences, summaries, etc under the fireborn tag in my journal. Haven't talked much about combat specifically, but there is this post summarizing what I found to be its strengths. And it definitely is a combat system geared toward a specific sort of vivid, descriptive fight mechanic - I can see how it would fall apart if you try to use it in a different context.
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From:emerald_scales
Date:September 6th, 2010 02:57 am (UTC)
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... and I still have all 3 books ever printed:
Gm's book
Player's Book
Fire Within (intro module)
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From:siege
Date:September 7th, 2010 07:48 am (UTC)
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26. May not become a Digimon as an alternate form.
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From:baxil
Date:September 9th, 2010 01:22 am (UTC)
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27. May not announce activation of Green Lord by shouting "Pigeonchu! I choose you!"
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