Baxil (baxil) wrote,

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The mathematics of desire

Inspired by athagon's recent post, I undertook some mathematical analysis of the human psyche. The resluts were ... surprising. (I actually meant to type "results" there, but that typo was probably significant.)

Using only such basic mathematical concepts as multiplication, substitution and the commutative property (a * b = b * a), I have discovered what "I want to wait for the right time" really means ... and it's not the innocent statement of pre-marriage chastity it appears to be.

Being a geek, I have to go through the proof in every last detail, so feel free to skip to the end if it starts making your head hurt.

Original statement: I want to wait for the right time = ?

Let's first examine the central terms of that equation:

to wait for the
= 2 wait 4 the
= 2 4 wait the       (by the commutative property)
= 8 wait the       (since x y = x * y; this is a basic shortcut of math notation)
= 8 with ate       (by the commutative property)
= 8 with 8
= 8 8 with       (commutative again)
= 64 with

Alright; now let's examine those last two terms. This one's going to delve into some esoteric theorems not often taught at the basic level, so you may want to have your copy of the Merriam-Webster Equivalency Tables (often known to laymen as a "dictionary") handy.

right time
= not left time
= not time left           (By the commutative property)
= not remaining time       (by Webster's)
= going time             (ditto)
= not not going time     (by basic logic -- q = !!q)
= not time not going     (commutative)
= space not going       (since space and time are reality, so something that isn't one must be the other)
= space coming       (Webster's)
= space to come       (a little-used theorem most often seen on billboards advertising future rentals)
= ( ) to come
= to come             (since parentheses around less than two terms may be added or cancelled at will)

So, substituting in our results, and applying the commutative property one last time to the equation, we end up with:

I want to wait for the right time
= I want 64 with to come
= I want 64 to come with
= I want to participate in a large orgy.

... Somehow, that wasn't wholly unexpected.
Tags: geekery, sex, wordplay

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