My crushes -- in rhyme! (Worksafe, but naughty)

raki

That, and a little too much of Edward Gorey's "Gashlycrumb Tinies" (from which I shamelessly borrowed the basic idea and cribbed the rhyme scheme), had me sifting through my friends list for the people who most make my mind drift into the gutter.

And, of course, you're going to click on the cut tag and read the rest, either because you love poetry or because you just need to know how I'm scandalously misusing your LJ username.

MY LJ FRIENDS LIST CRUSHES -- IN RHYME

A is arcturax, whose legends are many --
I've seen what he does with his tongue and a penny;

B is for baxil -- You'd crush on him, too,
If you knew the secrets the trees could tell you;

C is for charles, who scores so much booty
His CIA file's the size of Djibouti;

D is for dreamflow, who sure has it rough,
She lives with three guys and still can't get enough;

E is for elynne, whose trilobyte fetish
Makes most of us look quite mundane and coquettish;

F is for firestrike, pure as a rose,
Except for at home with the blinds halfway closed;

G is for jenett -- when we double-date
She somehow ends up with not one but three mates;

H is for halyn, no fan of the quickie,
Who's spent a week straight getting sweaty and sticky;

I is lonita, who's massively hot,
And whose name starts with "I" by judicial fiat;

J is for jinian's most naughty trick -- it
Involves a lit candle and pair of live crickets;

K is kiala, so shamelessly twisted
I still have those scars from the first time we trysted;

L is for lysana, bi, out and proud,
Whose neighbors vacation when things get too loud;

M's mr_silvers, who I met while MUCKing,
And if I finish this rhyme, he'll kick my ass;

N is for nolly, whose sweet and chaste act
Is well-calculated for heightened impact;

O's ounceofreason, whose name is a sham --
His has to be measured by the kilogram;

P is queenofstripes, the sometimes bizarro,
Who I'll "meet" "quite by chance" at the "dentist's" tomorrow;

Q is quelonzia, so randy she
Lost track of her conquests in late '83;

R is for raki, whose lesbian dreams
Have cyborg and ninja and lizardly themes;

S is for ssthisto, who draws smut so well
Bob Dole's off Viagra and out raising hell;

T is tropism, who gets a high rating
For how hot he looks when he's feeding pigeons;

U is for you, the one reading this list,
I'd make a lewd joke, but I'm sure you'd get pissed;

V is for violetvixen, revered
For that trick with the chains and the glass chandelier;

W is for frameacloud, stuck in the wrong body,
Whose past lives were all incorrigibly naughty;

X is for xydexx, whose kinks (at a guess)
Once started a huge boycott war with Mu Press;

Y is yoje, and -- if the tales are true --
He's slept in eight nations and rested in two;

And Z is for _zephyra_, cautious and prude,
Except when she dances around in the nude.

DISCLAIMER: It's all in good fun. Any resemblance of any particular entry to reality is completely in your imagination. Any implication of actual crush-age should be taken with a grain of salt, and if it tastes too salty, you should really try your food first before salting it; hasn't your mother been saying that for years?